If you know me at all, you know that one of my desires in life is to get married. Another is to have children. I was never one to have a timeline of my life in regards to when I would get married and by what age I would have all of my kids. But never did it even cross my mind that I would be approaching my 30th birthday as a single woman.
But you know what? One thing I’ve learned over the past 30 years is that I have this hole inside of me that only one person can fill. Only one person can fill the void inside of me, only one person can fulfill the desires that I have and only one person can make me whole. And I found Him many years ago. Our relationship has changed and grown and deepened over the years and I’m thankful for each second of it.
As I was trying to figure out what the #1 thing would be on this silly countdown that I began a while back, I kept coming back to this one person. I aim for each part of my life to be centered around Him and while some days I’m more successful than others, I still hope that you can see in me that this one person is who I look to for everything.
Yesterday as I was moving things into my new house, the U-haul truck I had rented had a radio, but it was busted. Yay. I didn’t feel very safe calling my peeps on the phone while driving this monstrous 14 foot truck so I began to sing. Ha! I LOVE singing. But I don’t always hit the right notes. Luckily this one person doesn’t care. He’s pretty awesome like that. But I realized in singing praises to my Creator and Lord that He really does make me whole. Yesterday afternoon I was 100% content with life, with what I’m doing, with my amazing friends and family that I’m blessed to have around me… it was pure joy that can only come from God.
And then I got to work this morning. And I got an email from a friend/former interest that he was engaged. Now, I’ve been in 10 weddings and been to dozens more. I even had a dream a year about this friend proposing to his now fiancée. So I knew it was coming. But satan knew that moment that I let my defenses down that he could attack. And attack he did. Grrr… he REALLY aggravates me. I went from being on Cloud 9 to wanting to crawl into a hole in a matter of the time it took to check my email.
And no, it wasn’t because this guy didn’t choose me. He’s an awesome, godly man and his fiancée is so adorable and they’re going t be great together! It’s because yet again… I wasn’t the one getting engaged. I mean, seriously, when is this pity party going to end? I’m personally getting tired of it. As are my friends that are surely tired of hearing about it from me J
But because Jesus is so much bigger than the self-pity that satan wants me to feel, He healed me… again… and here it is, 5:00 and I’m whole again.
I love Him. I love Him. I love Him. How could I not?? Seriously, if you don’t know Him, you really should. He’s the love of my life and this is one love that I’m more than willing to share.
29 June 2009
17 June 2009
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