meanwhile

Many of you know that I spent 5 months in Belgium when I graduated from Clemson. I don't know whether I fully appreciated all of it while I was there or not, but I do know that it (like most places I visit) will always have a piece of me. Just like I left part of my heart in South Africa with those kids in Jo'burg, Brussels has a piece of my heart that lives among the Muslims and refugees that I shared a neighborhood with.

Anyway, Janee has been in Brussels since the September after I left in May of 2004 and while we have never met in person, we have chatted via email and have a connection because we have shared a lot: living in the Center in a Muslim neighborhood, learning how to connet in a church that is bi-lingual although neither language is your "heart language", loving the people around you and bonding with them because none of you are in your native country. But most of all, we share a love for our Lord, Jesus.

While I was in Brussels, I sent weekly emails with updates of my adventures and prayer requests but since Janee was on a longer assignment, she sends her emails monthly. Anyway, this past one hit me. I can't really say it better, so I'm just going to quote her:

"Meanwhile, the Midianites sold him (Joseph) in Egypt to Potiphar, Pharaoh's officer, the captain of the bodyguard."
Genesis 37:36

• I have been reading through Genesis again and spending some time with the life of Joseph. I was reading in chapter 37 where the jealous brothers are trying to decide what to do with their favored brother who often flaunts his colored tunic that reminds each of them that they don't quite measure up in their father's eyes. They first thought of killing him but finally settled on selling him to the Ishmaelites for 20 shekels of silver and bringing the tunic back to their father covered in the blood of a goat…allowing Jacob to believe his son had been killed by a wild beast. The story is familiar and I know the outcome. So I can read it understanding and seeing how God was working out all the details. However, as I read it again this week, I thought of Jacob, Joseph and the other brothers who didn't have the advantage of knowing the final outcome. They couldn't flip a few pages over to chapter 45 where years later Joseph explains to his brothers that God saved his life to preserve the remnant and keep the family alive for a great deliverance. They lived each day not knowing what was next…not seeing the ways in which God was at work. Yet as I was reading in chapter 37, I paused as I read one simple word…"meanwhile." The guilty brothers are letting their father believe Joseph has been killed and Jacob grieves and weeps over his loss. Then verse 36 begins with "meanwhile." Jacob is weeping and "meanwhile" Joseph arrives in Egypt. Jacob and his sons couldn't see the "meanwhile" and I am not even sure Joseph himself saw it, but in the "meanwhile" God's plan was taking shape.

The very next sentence in her email was "I can't get that word out of my head." And to be honest, I've had trouble doing the same. I've gone back and read her email over and over and have gone back into Genesis to read that familiar story. So many times I've read over those "insignificant" words but all it takes it one time for God to let you pause on something. All it takes is someone pointing something out to you one time...

I feel like I'm in an odd stage at the moment. I've been looking at houses (to buy) and it's such a huge (and permanent!) thing. Up until now I've been able to be mobile. Since I'm not married and I don't have kids I can up and do whatever I want, whenever I want to. My job is great for this stage of life because of all the travelling I get to do. Of course I like coming home, but I would be OK staying somewhere for longer than just a weekend. And, sometimes I do.

One of my biggest desires is to live overseas again. Since my mom is a French teacher, I've grown up hearing about another country and another culture and was so excited when I finally was able to go and see that for myself. I was 16 and spent a month touring Europe with the orchestra and then my mom and her students. Little did I know that I would be moving there 7+ years later. But, everything that happened during those seven years was a part of God's meanwhile, which led me to living in Brussels for 5 incredible months. Part of me feels like if I buy a house I won't be able to move back overseas at the drop of a hat. I realize that's an extreme way to think of it, but it's true. Sure marriage and kids are a permanent thing too, but they can go with you! A house can't easily do so.

I'm just curious as to what the meanwhile is right now. Of course I won't know what it is for a while, I'm sure, but that doesn't stop my curiosity. All I know for certain is that God is the only one I trust 100% with my meanwhile. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I can look back over the past 27 years of my life and see thousands of those times when I was moving or struggling or just living life and God was working on my meanwhile. So, I know He's working on it now... it's just that this is a stretch or a season that is new and very unknown. It seemed like I had thoes for a while... for a few years actually... (changing my major at the "last minute", moving to another country, coming home and not having a clue what I was going to do, getting a great job while still desiring to work with overseas missions). But now that all of those details I was initially worried about have been taken care of, I've grown complacent and my leaning on God has become less over the past few months... maybe longer. My faith hasn't dwindled, I just haven't "needed" to trust Him for the day-to-day stuff as I have in the past. And that is a dangerous place to be.

This all might sound depressing, but it really isn't! It's a good place for me to be right now. I know that God always has been and always will be my strength. He IS the reason I get out of bed in the mornings (that and to make my alarm stop yelling at me...!). Some days I just wish I wasn't so comfortable in my day-to-day life. In Brussels I had nothing BUT time on my hands some days. So what did I do? I read my Bible, I learned more and more about Him and drew closer to Him. I had more of those moments where I noticed those words that I had read hundreds of times before but had never seen! That's what I want to have back. It's been too long since I've heard my Father's voice... so maybe this house thing is part of learning to listen for Him again. I hope so :)